THIS PAGE CONTAINS POSSIBLE OFFENSIVE MATERIAL, BUT I DOUBT IT....  

HUMOR AND TRUTH MIXED IN GOOD MEASURE.....

They're not our enemy; they're our socio-political compliment.

We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications.

We don't spy; we deal in unreleased information.

They're not casualties; they're inoperative battle units.

We don't have scouts; we have unauthorized observers.

We don't miss; we fail to effectively engage the target.

We don't waste missiles; we run a non-cost-effective equipment exchange.

We don't attack; we aggressively move into pre-occupied territory.

We don't retreat; we reconsolidate at a previously held position.

We don't waste money, we fail to effectively utilize funding.

We're not at war; we're sanctioning with extreme prejudice.

Dear Civilians,

We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation have many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas we would like your assistance with:


1) The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem ... kick their ass.


2) When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest... kick their ass.


3) Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their ass.


4) (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were.
Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces," and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven. Now, it will only make you look stupid, and get your ass kicked.


5) Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).


6) If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non-military, inform them of their mistake...and kick their ass.


7) Roseanne Barr's singing of the National Anthem is not a blooper...it was a disgrace and disrespectful. Laugh, and sooner or later your ass will be kicked.


8) Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart.
Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her...of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.


9) What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your ass kicked.


10) Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans and we all bleed the same regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command, is to include our Commander in Chief.
The President (for those who didn't know) is our CIC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet. All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw-up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. The military member might direct you to Oliver North. (I can see him kicking your ass already.)


11) "Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me ... stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and probably kick your ass!


12) Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!!!" And stop asking us where he is!!!! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me ... if you see anyone calling those damn psychic phone numbers; let me know, so I can go kick their ass.


13) Fly-Boy (Air Force), Jar-Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use for describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them.
Could get your ass kicked.


14) Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are literally thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.


"It is the Soldier, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press. It is the Sailor, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It is the Marine, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the Airman who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag." (or NOT !)

WINDSHIELD STORY:

It just demonstrates how you have to know the requirements up
front.... communication is everything! Sometimes it DOES take
a Rocket Scientist! (true story).

Scientists at the Canadian Research Facility built a gun
specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of
Airlines and military jets, all traveling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions
with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
NASA engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements
were made, and a gun was sent to the NASA engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the
chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof
shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control
console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded
itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Americans sent the Canadian Research Facility the
disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the
windshield and begged the Canadian scientists for suggestions.

The Canadian Research Facility responded with a one-line memo:
"...Defrost the chicken."

MEMO:

ATC HUMOR:

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered
lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location
but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747
(call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed
to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate
location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you
never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of
Boeing. I didn't stop."

 

 

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by the
way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far
end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, roger, cleared for takeoff; and
yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our
caterers."

 

 

I was a Pan Am 727 Flight Engineer waiting for start clearance in
Munich, Germany. I was listening to the radio since I was the
junior crew member. This was the conversation I overheard: (I don't
recall the call signs any longer)

Lufthansa: (In German) "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground: (In English) "If you want an answer you must speak English."

Lufthansa: (In English) "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Beautiful English Accent: (before ground could answer) "Because you
lost the bloody war!"

READ THIS!!!

What if you worked with these people?

What do think of this?

29 members of this organization have been accused of spousal abuse,
7 have been arrested for fraud,
19 have been accused of writing bad checks,
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses,
3 have been arrested for assault,
71 have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card,
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,
8 have been arrested for shoplifting,
21 are current defendants in lawsuits,
In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving, but were released after they claimed political immunity.

Who are these people?

Say hello to 289 out of your 535 members of Congress.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be
changed regularly and for the same reason.

 

MY PREDICTIONS......

HILLARY CLINTON WILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT... AND LOSE

STOCK IN OLD PEOPLE PRODUCTS WILL RISE (BABY BOOMERS)

SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS WILL BE ON A SUDDEN LOW DUE TO MANY FIRST TIME CUTOMERS ELLIGIBLE AND RECIEVING PAYMENTS

EMT'S WILL GET A BIG PAY RAISE SOON BECAUSE OF THE SEVERE SHORTAGE OF VOLUNTEERS AND RETIRING VOLUNTEERS (BIG GAP IN AGE OF MEMBERS)

PRICES OF AIRPLANES ARE OUT OF REACH AND WILL CONTINUE TO CLIMB BECAUSE OF ALL THE REALLY STUPID LAWSUITS...

THE MODEL OF ECONOMICS IS AN EXACT PARALLEL TO AERODYNAMICS

AMERICA IS HEADED TO BE FULL OF LOW WAGE WORKERS BECAUSE OF THE DISTINCT LACK OF EDUCATION OF IT'S CITIZENS.

MANY PEOPLE ARE ALIVE BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM

SMART PEOPLE WILL BUY SOLAR CELLS AND GAS EFFICENT VEHICLES BECUASE FUEL AND POWER PRICES WILL CONTINUE TO RISE.... CAN YOU FIND A DIESEL GOLF ANYMORE? NOPE!!!! CAUSE THEY GET 51 MPG AND DIESEL IS CHEAPER... THE STUPID SOCCER MOMS AND DADS WITH THEIR SUPER BIG SUV 4X4'S HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES.... SMART PEOPLE LIKE ME WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE OFF THE POWER GRID BECAUSE MORE POWER FAILURES ARE COMMING.  SMART PEOPLE LIKE ME WILL HAVE SOLAR POWERED WATER HEATERS AND STRAW BALE HOUSES SO WE WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT PAYING THE POWER COMPANY AN ARM AND A LEG.

SMART PEOPLE OWN AND KNOW HOW TO USE FIREARMS. THE ONLY LANGUAGE THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS IS FORCE. ENGLAND TOOK AWAY ALL IT'S CITIZENS FIREARMS AND NOW LOOK... IT'S A BUFFET FOR CRIMINALS. GUN CONTROL MEANS USING BOTH HANDS.

I PREDICT THAT THIS COUNTRY IS BECOMMING EXACTLY WHAT OUR FOREFATHERS DID NOT WANT IT TO BE AND REVOLTED IN THE FIRST PLACE, TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION.

I PREDICT THAT THE GOVERNMENT WILL CONTINUE TO GROW AND IS ALREADY A GROTESQUE MONSTER.

AMERICA IS NO LONGER THE LAND OF THE FREE... IT IS THE LAND OF THE RULES

I PREDICT THAT NEW YORK STATE BY ACTING SO HARSH ON HANDGUNS IS SHOOTING ITSELF IN THE FOOT.. I DARE YOU PUT A SIGN IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE THAT SAYS THIS HOUSE IS OCCUPIED BY PEOPLE WHO CANNOT DEFEND THEMSELVES AND HAVE NO GUNS? I DARE YOU.

I PREDICT THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES ARE AND WILL BE LED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION BECAUSE OF THEIR LACK OF INTEREST IN THE POLITICS OF THE NATION.

 

 

I PREDICT THIS MAN IS AN IDIOT

 

NOW YOU SEE WHY MY SERVICE BACKGROUND LEADS ME TO HATE RENT-A-COPS!

NUFF SAID!

YOU HAVE A DUTY TO FULLFILL TO YOURSELF AND TO YOUR FELLOW AMERICAN TO TAKE AN ACTIVE INTEREST IN POLITICS...... THE GOLDEN RULE STATES : THOSE WHO HAVE THE GOLD MAKE THE RULES.

ABSOULUTE POWER CORRUPTS AND POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY

 

 

I PREDICT THIS MAN WAS DEPRIVED OF ATTENTION AS A CHILD AND WILL ONLY GET UGLIER... AS IF THAT WAS POSSIBLE...

DAMN RIGHT!

 WARNING! THE FOLLOWING IS DANGEROUS TO READ!

 

PHYSICIANS

a. The  number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

b. Accidental deaths  caused by physicians per year are 120,000.

c. Accidental deaths per  physician is 0.171 (statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health &  Human Services)

 

NOW THINK ABOUT  THIS;

GUNS

a. The number of gun owners  in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

b. The number of accidental gun deaths per  year (all age groups) is 1,500.

c. The number of accidental deaths  per gun owner is 0.000188.

 

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000  (nine thousand) times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember: "Guns  don't kill people, Doctors do!"

 

FACT; NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS  AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.  We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!!!!!!  :-)

Out of concern for the public, I have  withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to  panic and seek medical  attention.